Archive | January 2012

Are you speaking your spouse’s language?

Cover of "The Five Love Languages: How To...
Cover via Amazon

According to Gary Chapman, author of The Five Love Languages, we all have a language of love that we respond best to. Gary describes our love language as “a primary way of expressing and interpreting love.” If you’ve never heard of Gary Chapman or his well known book “The Five Love Languages” it is a must read!

The Five Love Languages was transforming for Joseph and I. After reading the book we quickly logged on to Gary’s website to take the Five Love Languages quiz. We both had an ideal of what each other’s love language was after reading the book, but we wanted to be sure! Not to our surprise, we had different love languages. Joseph felt loved by Physical Touch whereas I needed Quality Time and Gifts. In reading the book we discovered that often times we tried to give the other person what we wanted when we instead needed to be giving each other what made them feel loved. Wow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This was an awesome revelation for our marriage.

Still even today we don’t always get it right, but as someone once said, “Knowing is half the battle.”

If you want to learn to speak your spouse’s language, and in turn feel loved because they are speaking your language ………….then you have no choice but to read the book!!!!!! We promise you that it will be life changing for your marriage.

Below you will find the Five Love Languages and what Gary has to say about each one.

Words of Affirmation-Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important—hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten.

Quality Time-In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, “I love you,” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there—with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby—makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful.

Receiving Gifts-Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous—so would the absence of everyday gestures.

Acts of Service-Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most want to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter.

Physical Touch-This language isn’t all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face—they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive.

So are you eager to learn more about the Five Love Languages? If so, you can log on to his website by clicking this link here http://www.5lovelanguages.com/. If you are following my blog from Michigan, I have some great news!!! You can join Joseph and I at “The Marriage You’ve Always Wanted” on April 21, 2012 hosted by Immanuel Lutheran Church. Please visit the website and click on events for information regarding this event.

I leave you with this……… “Love never fails.” (1 Corinthians 13:8) Don’t fail your marriage!!!!! Invest the time to learn to love better, more, and stronger.
To God be the Glory for all He does and continues to do!

Cassandra

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What is your vision for your marriage?

Everybody that I know has a GPS these days. People today just don’t want to be in a position that leaves them lost and vulnerable. We have a strong desire to know where we’re going and how we’re going to get there. We also want to know what things lie ahead that could impact us from reaching our destination. Today I urge you to apply these same desires that you have for reaching your earthly destinations toward reaching your Godly destinations for your marriage.

What is your vision for your marriage? Do you have goals that you and your spouse discuss frequently, but never put them on paper?

Habakkuk 2:2 says, “…Write the vision and make it plain on tables, that he may run that readeth it.”

Every marriage needs to have a mission statement that guides who they are and what they believe. Our mission statement should be accompanied by our vision for our marriages. Your vision will guide you in reaching your goals, and help you in determining which routes to take to arrive there safely without long delays. Writing a vision for your marriage and family can be one of the most gratifying things you can ever do as a couple. It should be used daily to guide your choices alongside God’s word.

Joseph and I came together to create our vision for the first time last year. It helped us to look at where we were falling short in the eyes’ of God. It also helped us to see how to improve our marriage and family life. We are still working towards our goals today! Will you begin with the end in mind today? Start working on your vision and mission as a couple and watch God honor your desire to line up with His word.

Things to remember:

  • Writing your marriage vision should be done together.
  • Be sure to consult God on what should matter most in your marriage.
  • Use your finish product to guide your marriage towards Godly living.
  • Revisit your marriage vision quarterly to discuss how well you’re doing at accomplishing your goals.

May God do a good work in you.  I pray that your marriage vision becomes a tool that will lead you to becoming one. And remember….. the bible tells us that without a vision the people will perish.(Proverbs 29:18)

 

Yours in Christ,

Cassandra

Marriage Is Good!

Marriage is a covenant relationship. It should not be entered into lightly. There are several things that should be considered before we walk down the aisle to say those life changing words, “I do.” First, will you promise to share your love with your spouse only and make them first priority in your life after God? Second, will you commit to honoring your spouse in the good and bad times? Third, are you willing to die to self in order to have the marriage that God intended for you to have? I remember when my husband Joseph and I first got married. He wanted us to have one joint account for our checking and savings accounts. I was initially against the idea and considered demanding my way. However, after careful thought the Holy Spirit brought to my remembrance that I had it my way the first time around. You see, I was married once before right out of high school. We separated everything. We had our own credit cards, our own bank accounts, and of course our own secrets. Well it doesn’t take a rocket science to figure out that all the separation finally ended us up in divorce court. Why? Well the most obvious reason is because we did not see ourselves as one. In the beginning God said, “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. (Gen:2:24)

Marriage requires that both you and your spouse see yourself as “one.” When you don’t see your marriage as one flesh it allows room for the devil to enter into your marriage. The” devil comes to kill, steal and destroy.” (John 10:10) Marriage is good in God’s eye. Will you make a commitment today to work towards treating your spouse like he is your very own flesh? When you start seeing your spouse as yourself you will have no choice but to walk in love towards your spouse daily. It will become easier to forgive their transgressions and help you in becoming the spouse that God intended you to be from the very beginning. I know that some of us are coming from different places in our lives. Some of us might already have what we think are great marriages, while others might be at a place in their marriage where they feel that nothing will ever change. I urge you today to strive towards strengthening your marriage because the devil is always seeking to devour our “Good Thing.” Married is good and honorable in the sight of God so protect it by doing the maintenance that is required. Just like you take your car in for maintenance after so many miles… you also need to get your marriage serviced so that the love you once had will keep going and growing for years to come. For those marriages that are in trouble, trust and believe God’s word. He is a rewarder of those that diligently seek Him! (Hebrews 11:6)

My prayer is that God will bless your marriage. Remind yourself daily, “Marriage is good!”

Yours In Christ,

Cassandra