Archive | July 2012

Does your marriage need maintenance ?

Why is it that we all understand the concept of getting an oil change or a tune-up in order to keep our cars running properly, however if you mention counseling or a marriage workshop people act as if its foreign and unspeakable?

Marriages need maintenance from time to time just like anything else. (Especially if you plan to stay married for a lifetime. ) Over the course of a marriage a lot of things can change. People change. Opinions change. Desires change. Even your situation can change. Taking care of your marriage is just as important as taking care of your car, your health, or your finances. It is vital that we make our marriage covenant a priority by doing the work that helps the marriage to grow.

Here are a few marriage maintenance activities that you and your spouse can do to give your marriage a winning chance of survival.

1.  Pray for your marriage.
2.  Attend a marriage workshop.
3.  Seek and maintain a couple that can serve as a marriage mentor.
4.  Schedule monthly meetings to discuss your marital issues and come up with plans to resolve concerns.
5.   Seek counseling from your pastor or a trusted counselor.
6.  Participate in your churches marriage ministry activities.
7.  Spend time with  other couples that enjoy marriage.

Marriage maintenance is a necessity for those with great marriages just as much as those with troubled marriages.  Most of us don’t wait until we run out gas to put gas in our vehicles. 🙂 We can apply the same  rule of thumb to our marriages. Don’t wait until a problem arises to seek help. May God‘s blessing be upon you and your family.

Cassandra

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Self-righteous Behavior

Are you a bit self- righteous? Self- righteous people can be the most annoying people to be around. They are the ones that think everything they do is right and everything you do is wrong. Even in the midst of their own troubles they find time to insult, humiliate, or judge others around them. These type of people make others very uncomfortable during their interactions and this is therefore often the cause of many broken relationships.

Self-righteousness  people tend to think that their thinking process is superior to everyone else’s. They often use condensing and judgmental comments to prove that their opinions or feelings are more valuable than yours. Self-righteous attitudes can destroy marriages and other relationships faster than other sins because it becomes obvious to others  around you that your thinking leads your decisions.  When the focus of your thinking is “self-righteous” you are only concerned with being right.  You have little ability to see things from other people’s point of view which can be a big turn off to family, friends, and even coworkers.

The bible tells us that the Master will know our character by our fruit.  What fruit is growing on your tree??? Whether it is self-righteousness  or some other sinful behavior it’s time to make a change. God desires for us to grow our relationships by developing in the fruit of the spirits.

If you are exhibiting self-righteous thinking in your marriage or relationships take time to meditate on the scriptures below.

Gal. 5:22-23
Matthew 7:19-21
James 3:18

Love the One You’re With

Marriage has its ups and its downs. However, one thing is for sure…. no matter whether you’re up or down you should always love the one you’re with.

Often times in marriage we lose focus of the “blessings of marriage.”  Marriage should produce the close bonds that we as humans desire to have with one another. It is in our DNA to want to be loved and cared for by an earthly being. God the father loves us so well that it is only natural that we would want to feel that same love from our mates.  The question then becomes ” What do you do when your spouse’s actions do not line up with your expectations?” First of all I can tell you one thing that you don’t do…. and that is you do not give up.

Many of us look at our marriages as “contracts” instead of “covenants.” It is too easy to walk away and give in to difficult times especially when you look at your marriage as a contract that can be terminated at anytime. However, when you look at your marriage as a covenant between you, God, and your spouse then and only then can you filter out the bad and press forward in love.

If your spouse’s actions are not lining up to your expectations begin by asking yourself theses questions.

1. Am I being the best spouse I can be?
2. Am I fulfilling the needs of my spouse?
3. Am I loving my spouse unselfishly or am I holding out on my love until I get what I want or need?
4. Am I communicating my needs effectively to my spouse?
5. Am I still the person that they married? If not, how have I changed?

After you have asked yourself the above questions I urge you to evaluate your expectations for your spouse and make sure that they line up with God’s word and design for marriage.  Change your marriage forever by making a list of ways you can start selflessly showing your spouse  how much you love and appreciate them. May God bless your union and fill you both with an abundance of love for one another.

Cassandra