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Self-righteous Behavior

Are you a bit self- righteous? Self- righteous people can be the most annoying people to be around. They are the ones that think everything they do is right and everything you do is wrong. Even in the midst of their own troubles they find time to insult, humiliate, or judge others around them. These type of people make others very uncomfortable during their interactions and this is therefore often the cause of many broken relationships.

Self-righteousness  people tend to think that their thinking process is superior to everyone else’s. They often use condensing and judgmental comments to prove that their opinions or feelings are more valuable than yours. Self-righteous attitudes can destroy marriages and other relationships faster than other sins because it becomes obvious to others  around you that your thinking leads your decisions.  When the focus of your thinking is “self-righteous” you are only concerned with being right.  You have little ability to see things from other people’s point of view which can be a big turn off to family, friends, and even coworkers.

The bible tells us that the Master will know our character by our fruit.  What fruit is growing on your tree??? Whether it is self-righteousness  or some other sinful behavior it’s time to make a change. God desires for us to grow our relationships by developing in the fruit of the spirits.

If you are exhibiting self-righteous thinking in your marriage or relationships take time to meditate on the scriptures below.

Gal. 5:22-23
Matthew 7:19-21
James 3:18

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Don’t go to bed angry!

When you first got married someone of the Christian faith probably quoted the following scripture:

“In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.  (Ephesians 4:26-27 NIV)

This scripture happens to be one of the most famous quotes given to those saved and unsaved during marriage celebrations. For those that are not in the household of faith it probably sounds more like this:

“Never go to bed angry.”

This is no doubt one of the best pieces of advice that anyone seeking to stay married forever can receive. Anger is one of the most deadly emotions that anyone can have.  Anger can lead one to make horrible life choices that lead to long-term consequences.  The effects of anger have also been known to cause both physical and psychological illnesses in one’s body.

If you allow anger to fester in your marriage it will block your ability to love as God has commanded.  It is impossible to love your spouse unconditionally and be angry at them at the same time. Love and anger do not mix!!!  Anger seeks revenge and justice, whereas love seeks peace and joy.
Satan would love nothing more than to send you and your spouse to bed angry at one another. When he accomplishes this task he knows that he has gained a place in your marriage that he can use to begin his work.

When anger arises in your marriage make every attempt to make peace before going to bed. Do not allow Satan to begin steps at tearing your marriage apart by pitting you against each other.  We have a favorite line that we like to use when we see Satan trying to get a foothold in our marriage. We start by smiling at the other person and we say, “We’re on the same team.”

Do not let the sun go down when you’re angry! Instead take a time out and devise a plan that allows for a win-win situation. Don’t forget in the midst of your anger, “You both are on the same team too!”

Best wishes,

Cassandra

Does Nagging Help or Hurt?

Do you nag your spouse? According to the dictionary a nag is someone who “annoys or irritates (a person) with persistent faultfinding or continuous urging.”

Did you know that nagging communicates negative emotions to your spouse? Instead of them hearing your requests of what you want them to do or stop doing, they hear harsh criticisms about their character and personality. The nagging then produces feelings of insufficiency thus leading our spouses to feel rejected by us. Those that nag their spouses will notice that they will become more and more withdrawn overtime. They will also become defensive whenever you approach them no matter what the topic of discussion may be. This is because they now feel that they have to guard and protect themselves from further being torn down and disregarded.

“Let your speech always be with grace, seasoned with salt, that you may know how you ought to answer each one.” (Colossians 4:6)

If you have an issue with something that your spouse does or does not do nagging them will not get them to change their ways. Nagging your spouse is like fixing them the worse meal of their life over and over again! When Joseph and I first got married I recognized early on which meals he enjoyed and which ones he did not appear to like so much. Instead of trying to keep serving him the meals that he didn’t care much for I decided to change up my recipe to make it more appealing. We have to do this same type of thing when communicating areas of concern with our mates. Instead of nagging your spouse to take out the trash or to be better at keeping a budget try changing the ingredients to your conversation so that it is more appealing to his or her ears. When we add salt or pepper to our food it gives it an extra kick and adds flavor that satisfies our taste buds right? So why not add a little extra spice to your conversations to change up the presentation?

We all know that we are more likely to try something that looks appealing to our eyes or that sounds good to our ears! 🙂 For now on when communicating issues of concerns to your spouse try adding 1 tablespoon of compassion, 2 spoonfuls of love and just a pinch of patience. Adding this specific ingredient to our conversations will not only help in preserving our relationships, but it will help protect our partners self esteem and prevent feelings of rejection. Always serve your mate criticism cooked at the highest degree of compassion, love and patience. Criticism served this way will always make it easier to shallow!

I will be joining you in this endeavor! To God be the glory for all He is doing and will do in our lives!

Cassandra

Are You In Good Standing With Your Spouse?

Have you ever been late on a credit card bill? If you have then you know that once your 1 day past the due date that they will start ringing your phone off the hook.  When they finally catch up with you they will say something like, “Hi. We’re just calling to remind you that you forgot to pay your bill. Can I help you stay in good standing with us by taking a payment over the phone today?” Bill collectors are trained well to keep you in good standing with their companies.

We should make every effort to stay in good standing with our spouses just as we would do with a bill collector. If you promise your spouse that you’re going to do something then you should make every effort to fulfill your promise.

When we don’t meet our agreements or promises in marriage it can cause our mates to become uncertain about our priorities. It can also cause trust issues to surface when your word becomes null and void because you fail to honor your commitments.

We need to be more like God. When He tells you that he is going to do something we are always assured that His promises will come to pass. The Bible tells us that it is impossible for God to lie. (Heb. 6:18; Titus 1:2) If he says he will do it then he will do it! We never have to worry about Him canceling on us at the last moment, or about being disappointed in the way He handles something.

You can help your spouse to remain confident in your relationship by letting your yes be yes and your no be no! (James 5:12) Never make promises to your spouse to do something that you know you don’t want to do or can’t do. Your lack of effort will speak volumes to your spouse when they see that you just can’t seem to get things done on your “honey to do list.”

We all know that sometimes things happen that are totally out of our control, however do not let this be the norm in your marriage.  When issues arise that prevent you from honoring your word take the time to communicate with your mate. Let them know that you really want to keep your promises and discuss any obstacles that you are having towards fulfilling your promise. Communication is the key to bridging the gap between the truth and what your spouse may perceive based on your inactivity towards achieving that desired promise.

Take authority over your life and stay in good standing with your spouse. Being in good standing with your spouse will make Satan‘s attacks a lot easier to defeat quickly and efficiently!

We are joining you in these honorable efforts. To God be the glory for all He is doing in our marriages!
Cassandra

Your thoughts will determine your future!

What are your thoughts about your marriage? Do you believe your relationship will last forever, or are you expecting a bitter end in the near future?

If you know someone that has been divorced ask them this question…. “When did you know that your marriage wasn’t going to last?” Many people that have been divorced before will tell you that they knew early on that they would not remain in that union for the rest of their lives. This might be stocking to some of you that are doing marriage God’s way. However, when we don’t do marriage His way we are always expecting the unexpected to happen because we don’t give God an opportunity to work in ourselves or our spouses.  Some of us have very little faith that He can truly transform our marriages from hell on earth to heaven on earth.

The word tells us in Proverbs 23:7 that “so as a man thinketh so will he be…”  This means that our thoughts can lead to words and our words can lead to our truth.  What is your “truth “about your marriage? Do you believe that the enemies’ attempts to destroy your marriage will prevail, or do you know without a doubt that you can do all things through Christ that strengthens you? (Philippians  4:13)

Joseph and I were returning from a marriage function this weekend called “Eat, laugh, and Love.”  I happened to look up just as we were passing this rather large billboard that read, “1-800- DIVORCE.”   My spirit screamed,” I rebuke Divorce in Jesus Name!”  The enemy is lurking everywhere seeking to destroy what is good!  It is essential in marriage to cast down all thoughts and imaginations that do not line up with the word of God.(  2 Cor. 10:5) Christians must be equipped for the fight by studying the word of God and having a sufficient amount of word that they can speak over themselves and their mates in the time of trouble. If you know and believe that there is an enemy waiting to attack you then you must arm yourself with the necessary weapons to avoid being overtaken by surprise!

Start speaking the word over your marriage today! Your positive words will transform your truth to line up with God’s truth. God’s truth says,” That if you abide in Him he will abide in you!  (1 John 4:13) God’s truth says, “All things work for the good of those that love him. (Romans 8:28)

Surrender your negative thoughts for positive thoughts. You will be glad that you did! God is our Jehovah  Jireh!!! He truly seeks pleasure in providing you with all good and perfect gifts. Receive the gift of a Godly marriage!

We can perfect our marriages together by changing how we think!

Stay encouraged,

Cassandra

Who’s Right, Who’s Wrong?

You’ve heard the phrase “There are 2 sides to every story.” Well, I’m here to tell you there are 3 sides to every story. Her side, his side and the truth! We see situations through our own eyes which is bias, but God sees things truthfully! 1 Corinthians 13:5-6 says, “Love does not behave rudely, does not seek it’s own; is not provoked, thinks no evil. Does not rejoice in iniquity but rejoices in the truth!  Jesus said, “I am the way, the truth, and the life.” (John 14:6). The opposite of a truth is a lie. Therefore we’re lying to ourselves when we refuse to act Christ like and walk in love during a disagreement no matter who started it or whose feelings are hurt.

The Bible says when we are married we now become one flesh. Therefore when we fight as a couple we are hurting ourselves, because her flesh is your flesh and vice versa. Stop beating up yourself and heal yourself! If your leg is injured is it upset with your arm? No! Therefore stop being upset with your spouse and die to self and do what Jesus would want you to do. If you say you are a Christian you should be trying to be “Christ like” in all your ways. Cassandra and I have had our share of disagreements where I felt I was wronged but I was the first to initiate conversation for us to move forward and make peace. This is one of the first steps to dying to self and walking in love. So today I urge you to do what is right in God’s eye instead of what you feel during a disagreement.

Be Christ like today and everyday!

Joseph