Archives

Reaping and Sowing

“For whatever a man sows, that he will also reap.” ( Gal 6:7) Someone asked me recently,”Does this apply to marriage?” Of course it does!!! God’s word is applicable to every situation in our lives. There are absolutely no areas off limits.

Marriage and family relationships leave much room for sowing and reaping. These are the grounds for which you spend most of your time being true to who you “really are.” A friend of mines once said to me,” My spouse treats our neighbors better than he treats me.” This can be the case in marriages where there has been a breakdown of communication or trust for one reason or the other. However, our Christian goals should be to align our walks with the law of reaping and sowing. If you don’t like what you’re getting out of your spouse then you should try putting in something different.

What are you sowing into your marriage these days? If you are sowing impatience, sarcasm, and indifference then you will most certainly reap from the seed you have sown. We can not  expect to reap the rewards from that which we are unwilling to sow. The bible tells us in Proverbs 11:18 that seeds sown in righteousness will have a sure reward.

I have an exercise that I would like everyone to try today. Write down all the things you would like to see manifested in your marriage. Once you finish making your list join me over the next 30 days as we practice sowing these very things into our spouse and families.
I can’t wait to hear your testimonies of how God worked on your behalf.  Remember that which is planted will eventually take root.

Cassandra

Don’t let your conscience be your guide!

Are you allowing your conscience to be the guiding force in your marital decisions? If so, you are bound to make plenty of mistakes that might impede your success.

God’s word should be our only devise used in decision-making.  All scripture is given by God to correct and instruct those of us who are in the household of faith. (2tim. 3:16-17) Man’s conscience alone can not guide us because it can be too easily persuaded that good is evil and evil is good. Our conscience will allow us to justify wrong doing based on our experiences, environments, and even due to the people who are in our immediate circle of support. How many times have you made a quick judgement based on  your spouse’s mood or position on a matter?

Well let’s be honest here…… Man wants his own way, however God’s way is always the better way. If my husband is always moved by my feelings or moods enough to make decisions based on them alone then he is merely allowing his conscience and his emotions to guide him. Even from the beginning it is written that Eve was deceived by the serpent thus leading Adam to be drawn into sin along side her.  It is too easy to be drawn into sin based on selfishness, or even being  overly accommodating to the point that you go away from  God’s standards for living. In today’s society we can not be guided by our conscience instead we must gravitate towards the word of God for direction. Your conscience will lie to you because it is grounded in what makes sense in the natural. If we want our marriages to truly be successful then we must rely solely on His word as the final authority in all matters.

There is a way that seems right to a man but in the end it leads to death. (Proverbs 14:12 NLT)

Be Blessed,
Cassandra

Does your marriage need maintenance ?

Why is it that we all understand the concept of getting an oil change or a tune-up in order to keep our cars running properly, however if you mention counseling or a marriage workshop people act as if its foreign and unspeakable?

Marriages need maintenance from time to time just like anything else. (Especially if you plan to stay married for a lifetime. ) Over the course of a marriage a lot of things can change. People change. Opinions change. Desires change. Even your situation can change. Taking care of your marriage is just as important as taking care of your car, your health, or your finances. It is vital that we make our marriage covenant a priority by doing the work that helps the marriage to grow.

Here are a few marriage maintenance activities that you and your spouse can do to give your marriage a winning chance of survival.

1.  Pray for your marriage.
2.  Attend a marriage workshop.
3.  Seek and maintain a couple that can serve as a marriage mentor.
4.  Schedule monthly meetings to discuss your marital issues and come up with plans to resolve concerns.
5.   Seek counseling from your pastor or a trusted counselor.
6.  Participate in your churches marriage ministry activities.
7.  Spend time with  other couples that enjoy marriage.

Marriage maintenance is a necessity for those with great marriages just as much as those with troubled marriages.  Most of us don’t wait until we run out gas to put gas in our vehicles. 🙂 We can apply the same  rule of thumb to our marriages. Don’t wait until a problem arises to seek help. May God‘s blessing be upon you and your family.

Cassandra

Are You Growing together?

As many of you know I am homeschooling my kids and my niece. The last couple of weeks we have been talking about plants. We discussed what plants need in order to grow healthy and the process of how  plants grow. We planted some sunflower seeds in small containers and sat them in our kitchen windowsill.   The kids have all been amazed at how fast they seem to be growing right before our eyes. My oldest daughter said, ” We are taking good care of our plants mommy.” 🙂

Our little science project really got me to thinking of ways in which I can facilitate opportunities to grow in my marriage and family life.  The Holy Spirit reminded me that we must nurture our marriages  just like flowers.  Much like plants our spouses and kids need to receive some very specific things from us in order to grow and to be healthy. If we fail to feed them with the proper nutrients they are very likely to wither and not to grow into the beautiful beings that God has created them to be.

Many marriages and families are growing apart instead of growing together these days. It is our Christian duty to be the light of the world and help bring life to those things that appear dead.   Here are some signs that your family may be growing apart:

  • You don’t take time  to eat meals together
  • Everyone has their own agendas
  • You make your own plans without consulting your spouse
  • You have plenty of individual goals in life, but none that involve  the family collectively

God desires that our marriages and families are fruitful! Here are some ways that you can continue to help your family in growing together:

  • Hold family meetings to discuss plans, goals, and issues
  • Make time to eat and pray together
  • Consult your spouse in making decisions that impact the marriage or family as a whole
  • Engage in activities that bring the family together to laugh, learn, and love

Decide today if your marriage and family is growing together or growing apart. God desires growth for you and your family. Those that be planted in the house of the Lord shall flourish in the courts of our God. They shall still bring forth fruit in old age; they shall be fat and flourishing; (Psalm 92:13-14)

The path to submission

Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.  Genesis 3:16 (KJV)

Following the fall of man God told Eve that her husband would rule over her and that her desires would be for her husband.  This was as a result for Eve’s part in disobeying God’s command not to eat of the tree of knowledge. Today God still requires that husbands rule over their wives and that wives submit to their husband’s leadership. There are many women that hate the word submission. Some  believe that being submissive means that you open the door to being mistreated and misguided by your husband. Others believe that it takes away from their strength as a woman and as an individual. Submission in God’s eye is much different than what we see with our natural eyes.

The woman that submits to her husband shows an understanding of the following principles with her supernatural eyes:

1. Submitting to our husbands shows the world that we have a desire to have a Godly character.

Do not let your adornment be merely outward-arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel-rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God. (1 Peter 3:3-4 (NKJV)

2. Submitting to our husbands shows that we trust God.

For in this manner, in former times, the holy women who trusted in God also adorned themselves, being submissive to their own husbands,(1 Peter 3:5 (NKJV)

We  do not have to protect ourselves. God will provide for our needs! We will not be harmed through submission.

3.  Submitting to our husbands shows them that we respect them. As a result to our submission they will grow into their God-given leadership roles.

Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives, (1 Peter 3:1 (NKJV)

What is the path to submission?

The path begins with a desire to honor God’s perfect order for marriage. Along this path we must learn to develop a servant spirit. Having the servant spirit will help us to develop the desire to please our husbands at all cost.

Begin the path to submission! God promises that we will inherit a blessing through our obedience to His ways!

Yours in Christ,

Cassandra

What’s in your Alabaster box?

The covenant between men and women requires that you be willing to break open your Alabaster box. An Alabaster box was used in biblical times to carry something of importance to an individual.  In Matthew 26:7-9, Mary broke open her Alabaster box to get to her most valued and treasured item– her expensive perfume. She took her perfume and poured it over Jesus’ head not at all concerned that there was nothing left for herself. This was a selfless act on her part. She gave her all out of love and respect for her Lord and Savior.

In reading this passage we find out that the others that were present were in disbelief because they  felt it was  a waste and surely imagined that it would be worth more for her to sale her perfume  in hopes to make a profit. This story touches me every time I read it. I realize how much it costs to give unselfishly to someone you love. In marriage everything may not always be the way you want it or the way you imagined it. However, if you break open your Alabaster box and give freely of all your resources, hurts, and ambitions  then and only then can you love your spouse in new ways.

What is in your Alabaster box? Are you carrying pain from the past? Do you keep something on the side just in case your marriage doesn’t work out? Are you depriving your spouse of true intimacy with you because of fear of being hurt?

Whatever it is that you have saved in your Alabaster box break it open today.  The breaking of your box will free you. God works best with broken vessels.   Allow God to renew your marriage by releasing your most precious possessions. You will be glad you did.

Cassandra

Are you keeping Satan in a defeated condition?

Why does Satan hate marriage so much?

Those that are married were surprised to find out that they had moved up on Satan’s list of people to destroy by any means necessary. Before you were married you were probably further down on the list if you were doing God’s work and trying to live for Christ. However, the day you said “I do” you moved to one of Satan’s Very Important People.

As one of Satan’s Very Important People he studies you daily. He understands you better than anyone else on earth. He knows exactly what it will take to move you off your mark. He has idle time to invent new ways to divide you and your spouse.  Together you and your spouse represent God’s love, beauty, and power.  No one but God could create such a perfect union that is a constant reminder to His great kingdom.

He created marriage to carry on his legacy through generations of families. Satan’s main desire is to prevent you from achieving oneness in your marriage.  What is “Oneness?”

Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. (Gen.2:24)

If you are not cleaving to your spouse for every concern, issue, or circumstance that you encounter than you are not successfully achieving oneness in your marriage. Failure to achieve oneness will constantly keep you in a” roller-coaster state “in your marriage. You will constantly be faced with the same issues time and time again because you have not overcome them as of yet.

God is calling all of us to overcome those issues that prevent us from being one with our spouse. In order to defeat Satan we must plan to defeat him daily by “growing in oneness.”  We are more than conquerors through him that loves us. (Romans 8:37) There is no reason why Satan should be able to overtake our marriages with resentment, infidelity, rejection, or any other sinful condition.

Rise up today and decide to keep Satan at a defeated state in your marriage. No weapon formed against you shall prosper! (Isaiah 54:17)

God’s Blessings,

Cassandra

Beyond the Honeymoon Phase

Most of us got married because we found the one person that we were head over heels in love with. We enjoyed their company, we adored their smile, and we felt as if our life was somehow improved just because of their presence. Many couples will enjoy this “Honeymoon Phase” for years to come or for others it can be short lived.

What do we do when the “Honeymoon Phase is over?”

It is important for couples to realize that marriage is a covenant relationship that can stand the test of time. It is normal for couples to go through periods of time in which they may not “feel” that same closeness that they felt the day they walked down the aisle. Feelings are nothing more than passing emotions. Marriage requires that partners put their emotions aside in order to honor the commitment that they made before God.

Joseph and I realized early in our relationship that it took more than love to build a happy marriage. We came to understand that marriage requires both partners to be committed to the vow. Being committed to the vow means that both parties will refrain from allowing negative thoughts to enter into their minds.

We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. (2 Cor.10:5 NIV)

Negative thoughts can be anything as small as one believing that their spouse no longer appreciates them to something as big as feeling unloved and no longer desired.  It is necessary for couples to recommit themselves to their spouses periodically. A good time to do this is near or on your anniversary.  During this time we suggest that you both share your vulnerabilities about your relationship and then reaffirm your love and commitment to one another.

We encourage you to make time throughout the year to talk through any conflicting thoughts or perceived notions about the status of your relationship. Remember, emotions may change, but recommitting to your marriage vows will help you stay in right relationship with God and each other.

Do everything as unto the Lord.

Colossians 3:23-25 (KJV)

And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men; [24] Knowing that of the Lord ye shall receive the reward of the inheritance: for ye serve the Lord Christ. [25] But he that doeth wrong shall receive for the wrong which he hath done: and there is no respect of persons.

There are times in marriage when you have to do things that you don’t feel like doing, or you just don’t want to do. The hardest part of doing something that you don’t want to do is preparing your mind to defeat the negative emotions that come along with the task at hand.

There are several necessary steps that one can take in efforts to defeat the negative emotions that tend to hold you captive and stop your progress.

1. Take control of your emotions by telling yourself that the request or tasks that must be completed should be done to the glory of God. Do it as if it is for Christ himself. Do it with an excellent attitude. This will please God and your spouse.

2. Learn to accept and understand that not all rewards will be received while on earth. Some of the best things are being stored up for you in heaven. Do what is required today even if you don’t see immediate benefits.

3. Realize that everything that you do on earth will be judged by God alone. If your spouse desires for something that falls in line with God’s word and his character then you must do what is right or prepare to receive consequences for all of your wrong doings.

Let our challenge be to be a blessing to our spouse today and every day. Remember your marriage is your first ministry. Give your spouse the joy of having a mate that does everything “heartily as unto the Lord.”

Cassandra

Does pride keep you from doing what is right?

1 What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? 2 You want something but don’t get it. You kill and covet, but you cannot have what you want. You quarrel and fight. You do not have, because you do not ask God. 3 When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.

(James 4:1-3 NIV)

Does pride keep you from doing what you know is right? The bible encourages Christians to yield to our own desires and to submit to the will of God. Pride is one factor that keeps couples from willingly submitting to one another as God has commanded.

When we are prideful in marriage it results in us distancing ourselves from our spouse and causes us to be in contempt of their value. Their opinions or feelings no longer matter because we begin to feel superior in our own thinking and being.

Pride is often what leads many marriages into divorce court. In marriage both partners must submit to God. When we are submitted to God he will always work things out for our good. (Romans 8:28) Total submission to God means letting go of the need to be right or the desire to be in control.

Resist the desire to be among those that seek to please themselves more than anyone else. Unlock God’s power in your life by walking in true humility.

Cassandra

It’s Not About You!

For those of you who didn’t know me as a child let me tell you that I was the brattiest of the brats. I thought that the world revolved around me and only me. Mommy spoiled me rotten….   If I had a desire she filled the need. I truly lived the life of a child that wanted for nothing.

Well that’s all good and dandy, but when you grow up and get married you begin to realize it’s really not about you.  ( At least you should come to this realization! 🙂 )  When you marry you are promising to place that person’s needs above your own and to love, honor, and yes even obey!

When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things. ( 1 Corinthians 13:11 KJV)

There is no room for selfishness in marriage. Marriage requires two mature adults that are both willing to die to their selfish desires in order to please the other. Pleasing the other person involves giving careful consideration to your spouse in everyday situations. Having a selfish attitude is childish and we must work on “putting away childish things!”

Here is a short list of  do’s and don’ts that can help you in your journey to marital bliss:

Don’t

Don’t make life altering decisions without the input of your spouse.

Don’t manipulate  your spouse to have your way.

Don’t make your spouse feel that your needs are greater than their needs.

Do’s

Do consider your spouses needs above your own.

Do consult your spouse on small and big decisions that impact you as a family and  a couple.

Do show that you respect and value your spouses opinion.

Many couples end in divorce due to selfishness and lack of consideration for their partners. Satan thrives on having this type of division in marriage! Do not let him win! Always hold your mate at higher esteem above yourself.

“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.” ( Philippians 2:3-4 NIV)

Jesus was the perfect example of a humble servant that placed the needs of others above his own. Will you die for your spouse today? Those that die to self can truly live a life full of God’s  magnificent blessings!

Are You The Weakest Link?

The Weakest Link (UK game show)

Who does the devil attack most in your marriage you or your spouse? It is often rare in marriages that both partners are at the same place at the same time in their spiritual walks.  Our experiences in marriage can sometimes determine the quality of our relationship with our Heavenly Father which should not be the case. We are to stand firmly on the word of God despite our worldly struggles.

The weakest link in your marriage is the one that the devil feels he can take down with little to no work on his part. He knows that he can easily sidetrack the weak link by messing with his or her health, finances or even their reputation. It takes very little effort to move the weakest link off their mark!

The strongest link is the person that seeks God readily for help in the time of trouble. This person realizes that they must spend time in prayer and must make a habit of seeking God for answers to life’s challenges. Satan realizes that he must step up his game in efforts to distract or move the strongest link of your union off their mark.

If you know that your mate is weak in certain areas you must stand firm and help them to remain grounded in the things of God. Do not allow Satan to attack your spouse! Together you can defeat the enemy’s attacks.

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 (KJV)
Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour. [10] For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up. [11] Again, if two lie together, then they have heat: but how can one be warm alone? [12] And if one prevail against him, two shall withstand him; and a threefold cord is not quickly broken.

Stand by your mate.

Cassandra

Is Your Spouse Your God?

Often times in our marriages we are so concerned with pleasing our mates that we end up neglecting our prayer life and our relationship with God. We must be careful not to love our spouses more than we love God! Showing more love and respect to our spouses than to God and His word leads God to become jealous.

God has commanded us to have no other god’s before Him. (Exodus 20:3) As Christians we must understand the order set forth by God from the very beginning. He requires that we make Him our first priority in our lives. Putting your spouse before God breaks the first commandment given to us by Christ.

It is essential to understand that in order to love your spouse the right way that you must love God the right way. We must be in true relationship with God in order for us to reap the best rewards in our marriages. Thus, loving God the right way means that we will give Him the honor and praise that is due Him every day. It also means that no one else should be able to replace Him in our hearts or lives. God desires for us to give Him our best. He does not want our leftovers!

Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need. (Matt. 6:33 NIV)

When we give God our best he adds to our resources so that we can be abundantly blessed in our marriages, and in our families. I am very thankful that God has given me a godly man on this earth to provide for me and look after my concerns. However, I know and understand that God is truly the supplier of all of my needs and the force behind everything that I am and will ever become.

God alone is our provider and we must recognize that without Him we don’t have a chance at having heaven on earth. Put God first today and every day, and he will supply all of your needs in life and in marriage! (Phil. 4:19) God is so faithful!!!!

Cassandra

Build Your House on the Rock!

Matthew 7:24-29
“Whosoever heareth these sayings of mine, and doeth them, I will liken him unto a wise man, which built his house upon a rock: And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and it fell not: for it was founded upon a rock.

And every one that heareth these sayings of mine, and doeth them not, shall be likened unto a foolish man, which built his house upon the sand: And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and it fell: and great was the fall of it.

And it came to pass, when Jesus had ended these sayings, the people were astonished at his doctrine:  For he taught them as one having authority, and not as the scribes.”

Is your house built on solid ground or will it pass away as soon as the wind blows? Our marriages should be built upon the rock of Jesus Christ. He gives us everything that we need to be a success in marriage. Keeping your covenant to your spouse may be challenging from time to time, however God’s word is your weapon in the midst of a storm. He is truly our refuge and strength! (Psalms 46:1)

The foolish man did not build his house on firm foundation. He didn’t seek assistance…. He likely wanted to do things his own way. We resemble the foolish man in marriage when we are resistant to allow the word of God to guide us in our daily living.  We can also look very much like this same foolish man when we refuse to seek counsel when things go wrong in our relationships. The man that does not adhere to the word of God will always stubble and fall because he is not grounded in the things that develop “sustaining power.” Sustaining power comes by way of our prayer and praise. Make every effort to pray daily with your spouse and praise God for sustaining your marriage another day, another month, and another year!

We cannot expect to be successful in our marriages without allowing God to build our house. We cannot be successful if we do not submit to His plans. Instead, we end up “falling a great fall” like the house of the foolish man.

Make the decision today to rebuild your house on the rock! Jesus is our rock!!!!!  His grace is sufficient for us; and his strength is made perfect in weakness. (2 Cor. 12:8) Give up your building rights today and turn them over to him so that you can be like the wise man. When the storms come we need to be fully equipped to stand on God’s word.

We will be able to weather the storm if we are applying biblical truths in our marriages on a daily basis. May God bless and honor your efforts towards keeping your covenant.

Cassandra

Husbands Love Your Wives

1 Peter 3:7 states: In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat your wife with understanding as you live together. She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God’s gift of new life. Treat her as you should so your prayers will not be hindered.

The Bible says in Ephesians 5:25-26: Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her,that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word.

I’m not trying to be explicit but I need you to think for a minute about the human anatomy. Who was built to receive and who was built to give? God designed us this way for a reason because he makes no errors. God knows submitting ourselves to another fleshly person is difficult and that’s why he asks of us to submit ourselves to him first so we can in turn learn to be totally submissive to our spouses.

God is asking men to love your wife so much that you will give yourself up. We as men were design to give and called to be spiritual head of the house according to the Lord. We should not allow our wives to be praying more than us which we see often. She should not be giving of herself freely more than us which is often the case.

God’s word says a husband’s prayers can be hindered based upon how we’re treating our wife. We are now one flesh therefore we must treat our wives as such. The word says our bodies are temples for Christ so when we treat our wives inappropriately we’re hurting ourselves first and foremost. We can’t come to Christ expecting our prayers to be answered until we first ask for forgiveness with the issue we’re having with our wife.

We all fall victim to not doing the things we use to do for our spouses before marriage. Remember the flowers, cards and presents you would give? Why not do something nice for her today? My wife has given me 3 children that means she has been pregnant for 27 months of her life. Shouldn’t I honor her for what her body has put her through? Husbands the courtship must continue in the marriage for it to be successful.

The weaker vessel should not have the heaviest load in a marriage because they are not strong enough to handle it! The word calls for the husband to be the spiritual leader of the house and we can fight the attacks on our marriage by trusting God and applying his word. A good wife will be your partner and pray with you and for the family.

We must pray to God and ask him to assist us in becoming better husbands. We have to become more observant of our wives and notice their weakest areas and assist them at all costs.

In sports it’s the coach who is first to be judged based on the success of the team. If the team is winning he is rewarded and keeps his job. A husband will be judged on the order of his house by God because he’s called to lead his family. Although Eve ate of the fruit first sin did not enter the world until Adam ate of the fruit. Men become a rock for your family.

Be Blessed,

Joseph

Healing From Past Hurts

I gazed out the window…. It was dark and not a person in sight. Joseph and I had just had one of our first “heated conversations” while on our way home from Christmas dinner with family. By the end of the conversation, I was left feeling deeply confused….I recall asking myself,” What is really going on here?”

Joseph and I had only been married about 9 months at the time.  It didn’t take long for me to realize following that night’s events that Joseph was paying the price for someone else’s sins.
If you read,” Help me… I’m living in Hell”, then you are well aware that I was holding on to some anger from a previous relationship. While it was eye opening to see how the devil had used my past to haunt my future I was not strong enough to “fight the good fight of faith.” I wanted very deeply to put on my whole amour of God so that I could stand up to the tricks of the devil as it says in Ephesians 6:11. However, no matter how hard I tried in and of myself I needed help and we know that “help cometh from the Lord!”

Joseph was a praying man so I know that he could see with his spiritual eyes what the enemy was trying to do in our marriage. Instead of being angry at me, he took his petitions to the Lord.  When your spouse’s past haunts their future you must remember what it states in Ephesians 6:12.

For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.

Our question for today is,” How do you heal your spouse from past hurts?”

Let me first begin with what you don’t do…. You don’t make matters worse by surrendering to the enemies’ camp. You don’t fall in line with the enemies tricks and seek to destroy your spouse with harsh words and emotional and physical attacks!
Instead you walk in love and do what is encouraged in the Bible you STAND ready for spiritual warfare.

Ephesians 6:13-18 reads:

13 Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.14 Stand therefore, having girded your waist with truth, having put on the breastplate of righteousness, 15 and having shod your feet with the preparation of the gospel of peace; 16 above all, taking the shield of faith with which you will be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked one. 17 And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God; 18 praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, being watchful to this end with all perseverance and supplication for all the saints;
Joseph put on his amour daily… In fact I think he slept in it many of nights!  The Holy Spirit has given us authority in every area of our lives.  We can take authority over every spirit that tries to put up roadblocks in our marriages. We can stand against every thought that tries to hold our spouses hostage to the past!

I am so thankful that Joseph showed me his true colors early in our marriage. He didn’t give up on me. He didn’t stoop to my level. He didn’t attack me. He helped to heal me from my past by simply being the answer for my future.  He worked hard at loving me the right way so that my past could truly become my past.  Your spouse can be healed with your help! Stand up to the “spirit of the past” and do marriage God’s way. We promise that in the end you will reap the benefits of God’s best when he transforms your mate.

Cassandra

How Do You Teach a Dog New Tricks?

Have you ever heard the proverb, “You can’t teach an old dog new tricks?” This basically leads one to believe that you can’t change who people are.   We know that this is partially true…. You can’t change someone, but with the help of God people can and do change.

It is common for us to develop bad habits in life especially within our marital relationships. Many of us bring baggage from pass relationships with our parents, friends, and even opposite sex relationships. Often times, we are unaware that we have so many hang ups and it takes getting married for everything to start falling out of our “emotional bags.”

When dealing with a spouse that is resistant to change one must first of all stay in prayer. Staying in prayer requires that you must make a commitment to communicate with God on a daily basis. It is nearly impossible to see change if you are not first seeking the kingdom of God. (Matt: 6:33)

When believers begin to seek God about others the Holy Spirit will more than likely direct you back to yourself. We must make sure that we are first and foremost doers of the word. (James 1:22) This means that we must be making every effort to treat our spouses with the love, kindness, and respect that we expect to get in return. If you read, “Help Me…. I’m Living in Hell” then you already know that I was very much resistant to change. I wanted to remain angry because of the people that hurt me in the past. There was no way I was going to allow myself to be hurt again so I did what most people do…. I built a wall around myself to protect myself from being hurt.

While I was building walls one brick at a time, Joseph was being obedient to God and continued to love me as Christ loved the church. I remember waking up to him laying hands on me and praying over me. I remember him praying in the spirit while ironing his clothes for work, and hearing him say, “Lord I love my wife today more than I did the day I married her.” Now that’s love!!!

How do you deal with a spouse that is resistant to change? You pray, and pray and pray some more! Joseph saw me for the beautiful woman I would become once I was healed from past hurts. He led by example. He didn’t wait until I changed to give me his best….  He gave me his best and then I changed!!

If your spouse is resistant to change their ways, or if they are determined to build a wall we urge you to pray for them daily.  We encourage you to see your mate through new eyes and love them today like they are the person you’ve always dreamed of.

People can and do change… You can help facilitate change in your spouse by putting on the love of God and allowing your life to be a reflection of Christ.

Be encouraged,

Cassandra

Help Me…..I’m Living in Hell!

Recently I had a friend say, “It is easy for you to give me advice your husband is not like my husband.”  I must admit I was taking aback by this comment. However, it’s not the first time I’ve heard that same sentiment just posed a different way.

Let me tell you that things were not always easy for Joseph. He had to deal with a whole heap of mess when we first got married. I was deeply hurt by a previous relationship that left me angry, defensive, and untrusting.

I came into the marriage with quite a bit of baggage. However, Joseph unpacked my bag piece by piece and day by day. Thinking back to the beginning I can now see how he was so intentional in his love and care for me.

Joseph understood that as my husband that he had to “nurse me back to health.”  He realized that if he was to ever have the marriage that he dreamed that it would take much prayer and planning on his part. I have to imagine that I was much like a project on his to do list.:-)

Dealing with a difficult spouse is never easy. However, if you are committed to living together until death do you part— Why not be happy? We are called to minister to our spouses through unconditional love.

This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. (1 John 4:10)

God loves us unconditionally!!!! He loves us just the way we are. We are to love our spouses in whatever state they are… Loving them just the way they are doesn’t mean that we don’t desire change, but we must honor God’s command to “Love.” We have to work dilgently on healing our spouses with the help of our Almighty God!!

Over the next couples of days, we will discuss:

  • How do you deal with a spouse that is resistant to change?
  • How do you heal your spouse from past hurts?

Until tomorrow…. Remember Jehovah Rapha still heals.

Cassandra

Take Off Your Pants!

There was a deep silence all over the house. The kids had gone to sleep a few hours earlier. I had just put my last load of clothes in the dryer. Suddenly, I heard a voice say, “Take off your pants. Come on, take them off.”

I looked around as I was certain that I recognized the voice. However, there was no one there…. I heard the voice again only this time softer and quicker,” Take them off….” The Holy Spirit was speaking to me about my role as a woman. It was clear that He was speaking metaphorically. He didn’t really want me to take off my pants, but He did want me to allow my husband to be the lead decision maker in our home. The Bible tells us that the man is called to be the head. I spent the first year of our marriage wanting to be heard, wanting to influence, and yes wanting to lead. God did not call the woman to lead the man, but the man to lead the woman.

The Bible states, “But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.”

(1 Corinthians 11:3)

God’s design for marriage makes it perfectly clear that the woman is the weaker vessel of the two. This proves true when we look back to the Garden of Eden. After all who was first deceived? It wasn’t until Eve was deceived by the serpent that Adam was lead into sin by his woman. (Gen: 3 ) Women were not made to be the “strong one” in marriage. We are too easily moved. 🙂

I hear women all the time talking about how overwhelmed they are. They are exhausted physically and emotionally. Women if you haven’t already taken off your pants, God is calling you to do so now. Allowing your man to walk in his calling will provide you the time and energy that you need to focus on other things like being the helpmate you were designed to be.

Men need to feel respected more than anything else in the world. They need the opportunity to be your “earthly savior.” They thrive on being able to make things happen for you. If your man is not fitting this description it is because you have been wearing the pants way to long. “So….. Take off your pants!”

For the men who are reading today, if you are not wearing the pants in your marriage it’s time for you to put on one leg at a time. Women feel safe in taking off their pants when they know that the man that they surrender them to will love them as Christ loved the church.

Let everyone take their rightful place…Marriage is so good when you do it God’s way!

Your friend,

Cassandra