Tag Archive | Relationship

Is deception becoming a natural part of marriage?

Lately I’ve heard more and more people admitting to the fact that they lie to their spouse about certain topics…mostly money related like miscellaneous expenses. I can only assume that many of these people have never felt the pain or feelings of betrayal that come along with being lied to or misled by someone you love.

Deception should not be a natural part of marriage. Lying to someone you love for any reason is just wrong. The marital relationship much like the parent child relationship must be built on trust.

“And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. ” (Matthew 19:5-6 )

How can two become one if they are divided by deception? Lying to someone you love will always lead to division. Division for some might mean a relationship that is plagued with resentment and animosity, while others may face the unfortunate consequences of divorce.

It is essential in marriage to have a mutual understanding that is built on respect, trust and committment. Without these three things how can any of us every reach true intimacy in our relationships? Intimacy is not just about sex. Real intimacy is only reached by two people who can have a close relationship without fear of being wronged by the other.

If your marriage is suffering from trust issues work hard to regain the trust that was once there. Those that deal in truth are a delight to the Lord! (Proverbs 12:22)

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Does Nagging Help or Hurt?

Do you nag your spouse? According to the dictionary a nag is someone who “annoys or irritates (a person) with persistent faultfinding or continuous urging.”

Did you know that nagging communicates negative emotions to your spouse? Instead of them hearing your requests of what you want them to do or stop doing, they hear harsh criticisms about their character and personality. The nagging then produces feelings of insufficiency thus leading our spouses to feel rejected by us. Those that nag their spouses will notice that they will become more and more withdrawn overtime. They will also become defensive whenever you approach them no matter what the topic of discussion may be. This is because they now feel that they have to guard and protect themselves from further being torn down and disregarded.

“Let your speech always be with grace, seasoned with salt, that you may know how you ought to answer each one.” (Colossians 4:6)

If you have an issue with something that your spouse does or does not do nagging them will not get them to change their ways. Nagging your spouse is like fixing them the worse meal of their life over and over again! When Joseph and I first got married I recognized early on which meals he enjoyed and which ones he did not appear to like so much. Instead of trying to keep serving him the meals that he didn’t care much for I decided to change up my recipe to make it more appealing. We have to do this same type of thing when communicating areas of concern with our mates. Instead of nagging your spouse to take out the trash or to be better at keeping a budget try changing the ingredients to your conversation so that it is more appealing to his or her ears. When we add salt or pepper to our food it gives it an extra kick and adds flavor that satisfies our taste buds right? So why not add a little extra spice to your conversations to change up the presentation?

We all know that we are more likely to try something that looks appealing to our eyes or that sounds good to our ears! 🙂 For now on when communicating issues of concerns to your spouse try adding 1 tablespoon of compassion, 2 spoonfuls of love and just a pinch of patience. Adding this specific ingredient to our conversations will not only help in preserving our relationships, but it will help protect our partners self esteem and prevent feelings of rejection. Always serve your mate criticism cooked at the highest degree of compassion, love and patience. Criticism served this way will always make it easier to shallow!

I will be joining you in this endeavor! To God be the glory for all He is doing and will do in our lives!

Cassandra

Are You In Good Standing With Your Spouse?

Have you ever been late on a credit card bill? If you have then you know that once your 1 day past the due date that they will start ringing your phone off the hook.  When they finally catch up with you they will say something like, “Hi. We’re just calling to remind you that you forgot to pay your bill. Can I help you stay in good standing with us by taking a payment over the phone today?” Bill collectors are trained well to keep you in good standing with their companies.

We should make every effort to stay in good standing with our spouses just as we would do with a bill collector. If you promise your spouse that you’re going to do something then you should make every effort to fulfill your promise.

When we don’t meet our agreements or promises in marriage it can cause our mates to become uncertain about our priorities. It can also cause trust issues to surface when your word becomes null and void because you fail to honor your commitments.

We need to be more like God. When He tells you that he is going to do something we are always assured that His promises will come to pass. The Bible tells us that it is impossible for God to lie. (Heb. 6:18; Titus 1:2) If he says he will do it then he will do it! We never have to worry about Him canceling on us at the last moment, or about being disappointed in the way He handles something.

You can help your spouse to remain confident in your relationship by letting your yes be yes and your no be no! (James 5:12) Never make promises to your spouse to do something that you know you don’t want to do or can’t do. Your lack of effort will speak volumes to your spouse when they see that you just can’t seem to get things done on your “honey to do list.”

We all know that sometimes things happen that are totally out of our control, however do not let this be the norm in your marriage.  When issues arise that prevent you from honoring your word take the time to communicate with your mate. Let them know that you really want to keep your promises and discuss any obstacles that you are having towards fulfilling your promise. Communication is the key to bridging the gap between the truth and what your spouse may perceive based on your inactivity towards achieving that desired promise.

Take authority over your life and stay in good standing with your spouse. Being in good standing with your spouse will make Satan‘s attacks a lot easier to defeat quickly and efficiently!

We are joining you in these honorable efforts. To God be the glory for all He is doing in our marriages!
Cassandra

Help Me…..I’m Living in Hell!

Recently I had a friend say, “It is easy for you to give me advice your husband is not like my husband.”  I must admit I was taking aback by this comment. However, it’s not the first time I’ve heard that same sentiment just posed a different way.

Let me tell you that things were not always easy for Joseph. He had to deal with a whole heap of mess when we first got married. I was deeply hurt by a previous relationship that left me angry, defensive, and untrusting.

I came into the marriage with quite a bit of baggage. However, Joseph unpacked my bag piece by piece and day by day. Thinking back to the beginning I can now see how he was so intentional in his love and care for me.

Joseph understood that as my husband that he had to “nurse me back to health.”  He realized that if he was to ever have the marriage that he dreamed that it would take much prayer and planning on his part. I have to imagine that I was much like a project on his to do list.:-)

Dealing with a difficult spouse is never easy. However, if you are committed to living together until death do you part— Why not be happy? We are called to minister to our spouses through unconditional love.

This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. (1 John 4:10)

God loves us unconditionally!!!! He loves us just the way we are. We are to love our spouses in whatever state they are… Loving them just the way they are doesn’t mean that we don’t desire change, but we must honor God’s command to “Love.” We have to work dilgently on healing our spouses with the help of our Almighty God!!

Over the next couples of days, we will discuss:

  • How do you deal with a spouse that is resistant to change?
  • How do you heal your spouse from past hurts?

Until tomorrow…. Remember Jehovah Rapha still heals.

Cassandra