Love the One You’re With

Marriage has its ups and its downs. However, one thing is for sure…. no matter whether you’re up or down you should always love the one you’re with.

Often times in marriage we lose focus of the “blessings of marriage.”  Marriage should produce the close bonds that we as humans desire to have with one another. It is in our DNA to want to be loved and cared for by an earthly being. God the father loves us so well that it is only natural that we would want to feel that same love from our mates.  The question then becomes ” What do you do when your spouse’s actions do not line up with your expectations?” First of all I can tell you one thing that you don’t do…. and that is you do not give up.

Many of us look at our marriages as “contracts” instead of “covenants.” It is too easy to walk away and give in to difficult times especially when you look at your marriage as a contract that can be terminated at anytime. However, when you look at your marriage as a covenant between you, God, and your spouse then and only then can you filter out the bad and press forward in love.

If your spouse’s actions are not lining up to your expectations begin by asking yourself theses questions.

1. Am I being the best spouse I can be?
2. Am I fulfilling the needs of my spouse?
3. Am I loving my spouse unselfishly or am I holding out on my love until I get what I want or need?
4. Am I communicating my needs effectively to my spouse?
5. Am I still the person that they married? If not, how have I changed?

After you have asked yourself the above questions I urge you to evaluate your expectations for your spouse and make sure that they line up with God’s word and design for marriage.  Change your marriage forever by making a list of ways you can start selflessly showing your spouse  how much you love and appreciate them. May God bless your union and fill you both with an abundance of love for one another.

Cassandra

Does Nagging Help or Hurt?

Do you nag your spouse? According to the dictionary a nag is someone who “annoys or irritates (a person) with persistent faultfinding or continuous urging.”

Did you know that nagging communicates negative emotions to your spouse? Instead of them hearing your requests of what you want them to do or stop doing, they hear harsh criticisms about their character and personality. The nagging then produces feelings of insufficiency thus leading our spouses to feel rejected by us. Those that nag their spouses will notice that they will become more and more withdrawn overtime. They will also become defensive whenever you approach them no matter what the topic of discussion may be. This is because they now feel that they have to guard and protect themselves from further being torn down and disregarded.

“Let your speech always be with grace, seasoned with salt, that you may know how you ought to answer each one.” (Colossians 4:6)

If you have an issue with something that your spouse does or does not do nagging them will not get them to change their ways. Nagging your spouse is like fixing them the worse meal of their life over and over again! When Joseph and I first got married I recognized early on which meals he enjoyed and which ones he did not appear to like so much. Instead of trying to keep serving him the meals that he didn’t care much for I decided to change up my recipe to make it more appealing. We have to do this same type of thing when communicating areas of concern with our mates. Instead of nagging your spouse to take out the trash or to be better at keeping a budget try changing the ingredients to your conversation so that it is more appealing to his or her ears. When we add salt or pepper to our food it gives it an extra kick and adds flavor that satisfies our taste buds right? So why not add a little extra spice to your conversations to change up the presentation?

We all know that we are more likely to try something that looks appealing to our eyes or that sounds good to our ears! 🙂 For now on when communicating issues of concerns to your spouse try adding 1 tablespoon of compassion, 2 spoonfuls of love and just a pinch of patience. Adding this specific ingredient to our conversations will not only help in preserving our relationships, but it will help protect our partners self esteem and prevent feelings of rejection. Always serve your mate criticism cooked at the highest degree of compassion, love and patience. Criticism served this way will always make it easier to shallow!

I will be joining you in this endeavor! To God be the glory for all He is doing and will do in our lives!

Cassandra

Related articles

• Speaking Life to Your Spouse (marriageisgood.wordpress.com)
• To Nag or Not to Nag? (csahm.com)
• The Marriage Killer (mindrenewers.com)
• Back to the Basics: Communication (marriageisgood.net)

Lights, Camera, Action!

If you ever want to know the truth about yourself asks your spouse.  They know the in’s and out’s about you better than anybody other than God himself. They know what bugs you, what makes you smile, and even what gets your creative mind going. They get to see the good and the bad more than anyone else in your circle of friends and family.

Outside the home people get to see the person that we want them to see. Sometime this is the person that we portray because it feels more comfortable than just being ourselves. They see the person who has everything well thought out and all together.  However, often times when we leave work, church, and fellowships we Christians can sometimes put on a different face with a whole new character.

Home is where our true ministry begins…. It starts with our spouses and flows to our children. Our first and foremost calling is to reflect the love of God in our own homes.  How can we be effective to anyone else if we are not taking care of our first priorities?

Anyone who does not provide for their relatives, and especially for their own household, has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever. (1 Tim.5:8)

Why is it that we often have a harder time forgiving our spouses or our children then we have forgiving someone outside of our household? We feel a greater sense of obligation to the world than we do to our families when we treat strangers better than we do our own flesh and blood.

God will judge our love walk in its entirety!!!  Be doers of the word inside and outside of your home. The love walk that you preform outside of the home should be carried over from the love that is reflected at home.  We have to stop taking an “intermission” when we arrive home to the ones we have been given to love and honor.  Have you ever thought about how your spouse or children feel when they see the love of God in you when you speak to people at church or in the mall, but at home they see a different side?

Do not be like the double-minded man that is spoken of in James 1:8! Your leading role begins at home. Let your light shine from sun up to sun down.

I am joining you in this endeavor towards perfecting our marriages and families.

Cassandra McMichael

Related articles

• Making Love Matter (marriageisgood.wordpress.com)
• Carnal Christians (marriageisgood.wordpress.com)
• Love is… (stilldatingmyspouse.com)
• Forgiveness in Marriage (Part 1) (marriageisgood.net)

Who’s Right, Who’s Wrong?

You’ve heard the phrase “There are 2 sides to every story.” Well, I’m here to tell you there are 3 sides to every story. Her side, his side and the truth! We see situations through our own eyes which is bias, but God sees things truthfully! 1 Corinthians 13:5-6 says, “Love does not behave rudely, does not seek it’s own; is not provoked, thinks no evil. Does not rejoice in iniquity but rejoices in the truth!  Jesus said, “I am the way, the truth, and the life.” (John 14:6). The opposite of a truth is a lie. Therefore we’re lying to ourselves when we refuse to act Christ like and walk in love during a disagreement no matter who started it or whose feelings are hurt.

The Bible says when we are married we now become one flesh. Therefore when we fight as a couple we are hurting ourselves, because her flesh is your flesh and vice versa. Stop beating up yourself and heal yourself! If your leg is injured is it upset with your arm? No! Therefore stop being upset with your spouse and die to self and do what Jesus would want you to do. If you say you are a Christian you should be trying to be “Christ like” in all your ways. Cassandra and I have had our share of disagreements where I felt I was wronged but I was the first to initiate conversation for us to move forward and make peace. This is one of the first steps to dying to self and walking in love. So today I urge you to do what is right in God’s eye instead of what you feel during a disagreement.

Be Christ like today and everyday!

Joseph

Is Your Spouse a Dog????

Dogs are very protective of their masters. More than likely if you enter a home that has a dog he will begin to bark if he does not recognize you. Once he sees that you are not a viable threat to his home or family he will usually find himself a place on a rug in clear view of your presence all the while keeping his eyes on you.

Dogs understand that in order to keep their families safe that they must show that they are capable and willing to protect at all cost. This is very similar to a husband and a wife’s relationship. In a marriage there are times when the enemy tries to attack through friends or family. The attack can come by way of an act, gesture, or speech. Regardless of the path it takes couples must be savvy enough to see the attack for what it is and protect their spouse at all cost.

It is of great importance that in our marriages that we make it clear to those coming inside our circle of love that the circle will not and cannot be broken. Therefore couples must put up their united fronts at the door giving notice to outsiders to “beware because there’s a dog on the premises.”

Standing up for your spouse in the midst of an attack will show them that you are committed and that they are valued.  Wives feel secure when they are protected by their man.  Whereas men are likely to feel honored and respected.

Make sure you are doing the work that is required when Satan sends a trespasser to your residence. Never leave your spouse to fend for themself. Find the dog within and mark your territory! (Don’t take that literally 🙂 )

Your friend,

Cassandra

Love Beyond Today!

I am probably one of the few women that are not overly moved by the hoopla of Valentine’s Day. Valentine’s Day has been for centuries the one day  set aside to show love to those in your life by the way of flowers, candy, and cards.

We find people dining out, and enjoying one another’s company all while adding to the economy’s pocket by way of billions of dollars. But what happens tomorrow? Will we still show the overwhelming signs of love in our relationships that we show today?  Another great key to marriage is realizing that you can do and say all the right things today, but what you do tomorrow will be remembered the most.

Tomorrow comes every day!  This means we have another opportunity to walk out God’s commandment to love one another as He has loved us. (1 John 4:11)

Today I encourage you to make a commitment to making every day Valentine’s Day in your marriage. My greatest joy today is knowing that even when tomorrow comes I will still be finding my favorite treats hidden for me to discover by surprise.

Showing your spouse this daily type of affection sets a message for your children that your love is real and appreciated.  Last month my three year old daughter said, “Mommy, I’m going to get me a husband.” When I asked why she wanted to get married her response was, “So I can get some treats too!” Later on that day she told me that her husband’s name was going to be “Honey.” 🙂  This sent chills all over me knowing that at this young age that my 3 year old recognized the signs of being and feeling loved and that she wanted that too!  I was overjoyed! This was what I felt was an awesome testimony to my husband that  our daughter could see that he was indeed fulfilling his role in “loving me as Christ loved the church.”

Let us all show lasting love beyond today……

Remember what you do tomorrow will be what is remembered the most!

What are your actions communicating to your spouse?

Have you ever heard the expression,” Your actions are speaking louder than your words?” Sometimes in our relationships we begin to take one another for granted. We assume that the person we love knows how we feel about them and that we don’t need to go the extra mile. Sometimes going the extra mile is in fact just what it takes to keep our marriages on track. For instance when Joseph and I first got married I made an honest effort to not be on the phone when he arrived home from work so that I could make myself available to him. I can image that he felt honored, cared for, and loved by my desire to direct all of my attention towards him. Now looking forward, imagine the message we send to our spouses when we change the focus of our interest or attention to other sources. I’m sure that we can all think back to something that we did when you first got married that we either no longer do anymore or maybe we don’t do it with the same enthusiasm?

In our busy society it is no doubt that we can find millions of things outside and inside the home to occupy our time and energy. Making our spouse a priority can sometimes feel like just one more thing to do on our “to do list.”  The best marriages are those that realize that marriage is just like a job. They require you to put in your time and to do the job you committed to doing the day you said, “I do.” In the case of marriage we have promised to love and care for one another in sickness and in health. This means that you are spiritually bounded by God to fulfill these obligations. We must take the time to evaluate what are actions are communicating to our spouses in our daily life.

Do we stop and listen when are spouses are talking?

Are we making every effort to speak to them lovingly?

What would they say is our greatest concern in our lives?

While we all enjoy hearing the words, “I love you,” nothing says I love you more than your honest efforts in showing your mate that you are still very much emotionally connected to them. As we draw closer to Valentine’s Day let us remember that it is the small things that matters most. If you only show special love and attention to your spouse on February 14th then your actions are counteractive to your covenant vows. If we are in covenant relationship with our spouses then we must begin to show them the unconditional love that Christ has shown us. Work diligently toward showing your spouse that you care for them by making sure your actions line up with your words. Little acts of kindness go a long way towards a happy and healthy marriage.

Here is a list of a few ways you can communicate love daily without saying a word.

1. Bring your spouse home their favorite treat.

2. Write them a love letter and leave it in a special place.

3. Iron their clothes while they’re in the shower.

4. Give them time away from the kids.

5. Get a baby sitter and surprise them with a candlelight dinner at home.

6. Watch a love story together and talk about how to improve your marriage following the movie.

7. Bring them home a greeting card for no apparent reason.

8. Take time out every day to listen to them and find out about their day.

9. Motivate them to work on their dreams.

10. Support their dreams and goals.

11. Check their schedule before making plans for the two of you.

May God bless you and keep you grounded. Marriage is good!!!!!!!!!!

Cassandra

Keeping Our Priorities in Order (Day 2)

Balancing life’s responsibilities continues to be one of the most challenging tasks for married couples. If we are to honor God’s plan and order for our marriages then we must seek first the kingdom of God. (Matt.6:33) If we are seeking first His kingdom then His kingdom will always lead us back to our “first ministry.” Your first ministry is your marriage!  My first ministry is my marriage!  This means that regardless of all the other things in our lives that demand our attention that those things should take a backseat.   This means that your children, your dreams, your family members, and so on must all take a backseat. Imagine seeing your neighbor and his family heading out for a drive on Sunday morning. What would you think if you saw the husband driving the car with the wife in the backseat and the son or daughter riding in the front? You would probably say to yourself, “I wonder what that is all about?” I am certain you would no doubt find this arrangement to be strange and out of order.
From the beginning of time marriage was one of the first things God created. He created Adam first and then Eve, not Eve and her children or vice versa.  God created Eve from Adam’s rib so that she could walk alongside side him so he would never again be alone. God’s vision was for them to always remember and honor their relationship with one another above all things (after Him.)  This is why the Bible instructs the man to leave and cleave to his wife and the wife to be a helpmate for her husband.
If we are to have heaven on earth in our marriages we must always keep our marriages first in our lives. Our first ministry requires daily love and attention.  Much like a flower our marriages must be watered frequently if we are to keep it alive and free from withering away. Thriving marriages are the end results when you make your marriage your first ministry.  Strife and divorce is what you reap if you neglect to keep your priorities in God’s perfect order.  Start today by intentionally scheduling time to show your spouse that your marriage is important to you. This might mean rescheduling your housecleaning or putting the kids to bed early so that you can take time out to listen and love on your spouse.
Don’t allow your marriage to fall by the waste side! Make your husband or wife your first priority today and reap the rewards of marital bliss.  I will be joining you in this important endeavor.  Marriage is so good!

With Love,

Cassandra